The Sort Of, Anti Valentine's Day Fic
by Anatomy Melancholia
Summary: What does Valentine's Day have to do with love? Too bad Vamp 101 has no helpful pamphlets in dealing with hormonal women or life-changing situations after eighty-five. One-shot, set a few years after The Mortal Cure.


Mick St John was staring blankly at Google's minimalist homepage when the phone rang. He glanced over briefly at the LED display; it was very unusual for a client to be calling the business line at 10pm on a Sunday. Unfortunately '_ID Witheld_' was all that appeared.

"St John," he said briskly, momentarily impressed with how calm and professional he managed to sound.

"How're you holding up?" The voice was so syrupy and solicitous it set his teeth on edge.

"Fine, small thanks to you, you two-timing, emasculated bastard!"

"Yes, that's very nice, thank you." Josef's tone could have won 'Flavour of the Month' at a martini contest. "Small thanks to me, eh? It's not enough that I had to rush _your_ wife to hospital while you, you pompous jerk, were too busy hunting rogues, but I also had to babysit her – a very scared, very emotional _human_. She's been oozing oestrogen all over the place and then she was crying like... And she bled all over the Ferrari!"

There was a loud thumping noise on the ceiling above. A pair of hazel eyes looked up despairingly as a petulant voice called out his name, "Mi-i-i-i-ck."

Both men groaned simultaneously.

You wanted this, Mick reminded himself silently, running his thumb over the wedding ring.

"You wanted this," Josef said gleefully.

Mick could almost see the impish grin on Josef's face. "I know," Mick replied quietly. "I still do. I'm just – I know I should have been there. What if you hadn't stopped by?" He closed his eyes, willing away the sickening image of Beth lying in the kitchen as the blood trickled down her legs. He was still having trouble with avoiding that memory; it made feeding difficult when the thought of blood made you nauseous.

"Look, buddy, it's not a situation I would've picked – ever – but it'll be fine. She's fine. And don't start that 'hating yourself' shtick again, there's enough hormones rampant in your house. God, every time I come over I have to practice nice things to say so she doesn't cry at me."

Mick leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. "So I take it you're staying away for a while?"

'M-i-i-i-i-i-c-c-k!' echoed loudly through the phone. My God, Josef thought wildly, the woman had a pair of lungs like industrial bellows. Thank God he didn't live under the St Johns...

"Business call, baby," Mick yelled back, and Josef grimaced as he held the phone away from his ear. Mick was still shouting, "I'll be up in a minute."

And that brought Josef to a point he didn't want to have to make. "You gonna give up some of these cases you're taking on? You've got her really worried, bro. And much as I hate to admit it, she has a point. When I couldn't reach you and she wasn't answering, _I_ started to get a bit worried."

"Worried?" Mick echoed. "You nearly kicked my door down before remembering to use the new override, neglected to call an ambulance, but broke every speed limit and ran every red light between here and the hospital. You then almost fired Ryder for not knowing where I was and had the Head of Obstretics himself do the examination."

"Yeah, I smelled the blood and worked out what was happening. I saved their lives, you ungrateful bastard. So what exactly are you pissed off about?"

"I'm pissed off because my wife is now lying upstairs, terrified out of her mind and unwilling to trust either of us. Me, because apparently I'm having some sort of emotional crisis and am seting out to prove myself one last time before everything changes, and you because you agreed to spy on me to 'keep me safe' and apparently didn't." Mick's hands curled into fists. Josef was paranoid about secrecy, but Mick was paranoid about privacy. It stung that his best friend and his wife were working _against_ him. "How could you let her talk you into that, Josef?" Mick's voice roughened, "All you had to do was tell me she was so scared. I didn't need to take every one of those cases."

"I'm not a marriage counsellor, Mick, but since Beth came to _me_, I'd say you might want to take a look at your relationship. Perhaps she was afraid you'd treat it with the same contempt you've shown every other normal change in this mad process."

Mick frowned as he studied the picture of Beth that sat on his desk. Beth was incurably honest, she didn't usually hide things from him. Hell, sometimes he wished she did. Why hadn't she come to him with those fears? She trusted him with everything else...?

Josef continued, "I should also remind you that while I agreed, I had no intention of following through. I just did it to make her feel better. Which was why I had no way of tracking you last week. Don't blame me if she starts dropping tracking devices into your pockets."

It was like having two infants at his throat all the time. Both seemed sure he was going to regret this, although why he should suddenly regret it was unfathomable; he was getting everything he'd always wanted. Beth was paranoid that he would change his mind now that it was too late to terminate, and Josef was convinced that Mick would lose his mind in the process.

"Josef," he snapped, the frustration seeping into his words, "Colluding with Beth against me is not the way to allay her fears. She needs to get used to the idea that I will still be working cases. She's a hormonal mess at the moment and I don't want her to think that the way she feels is normal. She's never been afraid before."

"Mick," the mocking voice responded, "You've been married almost two years. I'd get used to it. At least you can take all the night shifts!"

The thumping was magnified tenfold, but there was no accompanying yelling this time. Mick glanced at the clock quickly. Damn, ten minutes. She'd flay him alive for this.

"Gotta go," he said abruptly.

Josef chimed in at the last minute and Mick could tell that the older vampire had been saving this topic for when they didn't have much time to talk. "Hey Mick, about the - baby shower..." He made it sound like the words had bitten him.

At any other moment Mick would have laughed and laid into Josef, but right now..."Uh, another time. She's thumping the ceiling pretty hard."

"You might want to take away those self-help books she's been reading for a start."

"Yeah, I know. We'll talk later." Mick's voice was urgent now.

Unfortunately, Josef was enjoying himself. "Replace them with something soothing like a whole series on astrology or phrenology. I'd pay good money to see that. It would be a welcome..."

"Goodbye, Josef!" Mick said as he cut in, and then hung up. He shook his head. Josef was the last person he'd expected to be there for him. It was no secret that he thought Mick was crazy for even considering this life. And yet he did everything in his power to keep Beth happy, even dropping by when Mick was out. Perhaps this path wasn't what the universe had wanted for Josef Konstantin, but if Sarah had been awake and well, it might have been what Josef would have wanted for himself.

Mick's ears caught a forlorn sound from the bedroom upstairs that snapped him out of his reverie. It was ridiculous how attuned he'd become to her. Or maybe not attuned enough if she really couldn't talk to him...

He shot up the stairs and stopped outside the bedroom door, consciously wiping the frown from his face before he entered and steeling himself for the heat that was necessary on a coldish January night.

Beth was curled into a feotal ball on the queen-sized bed. Well, as much of a foetal ball as a pregnant woman can form. She was also crying again, the broomstick she'd used to hit the floor was still clutched in one trembling fist.

Guilt comes in all flavours and sizes. What if Josef hadn't been around? What if he'd come home to find her like that? What if she was right about his emotional crisis? What kind of father was he going to make when he kept putting himself in danger? What kind of husband was he that his wife couldn't trust him? How would they cope if this didn't work? He couldn't bear to think about losing her or the baby.

Along with the guilt came a rush of love, so fierce he felt his eyes lighten. Mine to protect, he vowed again. It had become a litany.

"Sorry, baby." Mick slid onto the bed behind her. He slipped one arm around her waist and rubbed her stomach gently. "Sorry, baby," he whispered again, smiling.

She hit him with the broomstick in response.

He told himself it didn't really hurt and flung it across the room.

"I know you're hormonal, but don't do that, Beth. My control's not perfect, especially with the richer blood..." She wasn't sobbing so much as snivelling now. At his words her head snapped up and he saw the anger poised in every line of her body.

"Hormonal?" she yelled, shifting so that she was facing him. "You think this is about hormones? You've got five cases running at the moment, I've barely seen you since yesterday morning. You've spent the last four hours down there while I was stuck upstairs, and you had a business call at 10 o'clock at night?"

He stared at her in consternation. He hadn't really thought about it. Beth was so independent – well, she couldn't be right now, could she? The doctor had ordered complete bed rest.

"Is there something I should know about?" she asked.

Now he was really confused. Her heartbeat had sped up, her breathing was shallower, he could smell the anxiety pouring off her, but he had no idea why. _Buy a clue for a poor vampire! My kingdom for a clue_. Nonesense rhymes were about apt for the situation.

"No, honey. I don't know of anything..."

She shifted sligtly away from him and looked down at the strip of blue sheet between them. To match her eyes, he told her, when she'd been picking colours.

"Is there someone else?" Vampire hearing let you catch little whispers that were uttered so softly you'd never believe they represented sentiments that could tear your heart out.

"No! Never, Beth. Never." He had her in his arms again before her next breath, and he rocked her gently as he murmured soothing rubbish to her. Where on earth had she gotten that idea? He was going to kill Josef. It didn't matter where she got the idea from, he was going to kill Josef anyway – it had to have been Josef.

She hiccuped into his chest and wiped her nose on his sleeve. Mick smiled into her hair. He loved this simple humanity. He loved the variety of things her body could do: heart pumping, lungs wheezing, organs gulping; all the things it could produce – some of them utterly disgusting and some of them unbelievably miraculous. He loved her stomach rumbling and the way she sounded when she had a cold...

OK, stop now, St John, he admonished mentally, before you prove Josef right about the excess hormones.

"Who was that?" she asked finally, raising tired eyes to his.

"Josef," he replied, ignoring the faint pang of regret for selling out his best friend. There wasn't an extension to the business line up here; Josef would only call that number to avoid her. Beth was going to give him hell and Mick was going to relish every second of...

She was just nodding absently, one finger twisting a strand of hair. Clockwise, counterclockwise – it was a nervous habit.

"What's wrong, Beth?" he asked tentatively, worried eyes trying to gauge whether she would lie to him some more.

"Nothing. I'm just -"

"Not gonna work, babe," he said firmly, forestalling her. "I want the truth this time. I've already had a little chat with Josef about tracking me. Does it really bother you that much?"

She took a deep breath and he watched her features settle. Back to Reporter Beth, a formidable woman. "Yes," she replied, nodding for emphasis.

Mick opened carefully. "OK. I'm sorry I didn't realise that, Beth. It's never been an issue before."

"I know and it shouldn't be." She was so earnest. "I know this is your job and I know you've been doing this for longer than I've been alive, but ever since the IVF worked, I've been so nervous. What if something did happen to you, Mick? How am I going to raise this baby by myself when all I'm going to want to do is crawl into the incinerator with you and..."

Beth stopped when she saw the look on his face. He'd wanted honesty, hadn't he? She hadn't wanted to tell him, happiness was still so fragile to him. That combination of despair and anger that he was wearing right now, that was one she'd never wanted to see on his face again.

"I know better," she said softly, guiding his hand back to her stomach. His face lit up everytime he touched her like that; she never got tired of seeing it. He'd said before that he could hear the baby's heartbeat and that he could almost feel the blood pulsing through the umbilical cord. "But don't you see why I'm afraid? We've never had so much to lose before."

"Manipulative woman." Mick held few illusions about the person lying against him. She knew exactly how to push his buttons. "If it means that much to you, I -...there are other things I could do instead."

She looked surprised at that. "Like what? Music?"

He laughed. "No. God, no." They'd never talked about this. He was going to really enjoy surprising her. "Finance."

"Finance." Beth wasn't sure whether he was joking or not. Surely there was a limit to Josef's magnanimity...

"Yeah, finance."

"Do you have any background in it?"

His mouth quirked into a half-smile. "A skeptic."

"No, no. I mean. Do you?"

"Actually, yes," he said, watching her eyebrows shoot up. "I worked in finance before Coraline. Music was a sideline."

"You never told me." She sounded anguished.

"It wasn't important," he soothed, running his fingers over her ear. "How do you think I ended up with the penthouse, sweetheart?"

He laughed when she refrained from commenting. "Beth, Josef is damned good at what he does but he's always gone for the high-risk investments. It pays off but he loses more on average as well. I'm a lot more conservative."

"Hmm. So you'd be a staid banker? In a suit? Leaving every morning?"

He laughed. "Not likely. But it can be wangled."

"A suit. And no blood to wash out, no endless henley shopping, no long leather dusters to brush out, no fighting, no staking, no danger..."

Mick held his breath.

Beth glared at him. "How selfish do you think I am? Mick, you obviously made a choice when it came to career paths. I'm not going to ask you to change that. I just...I worry when you take on the life and death situations. You're not living just for yourself anymore, OK?"

"Beth, honey, I know. We have got to talk about this self-help kick...you don't even like self-help books! You just accused me of having an affair. And you went to Josef for help. What have I done?" And more softly he let himself admit what had been bothering him for the last six days, "What kind of husband am I that my wife can't talk to me first?"

She rolled slowly onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. "You've been avoiding me. Ever since we passed the third trimester. You've had more cases in the last two months than the previous four put together. I know you love this baby as much as I do, I can see it every time you touch me. But do you regret saying yes? At all?"

"Let's see," he replied, lying down beside her, "I married the woman who makes the sun rise in my world. Previously, I'd stupidly allowed her to browbeat me into giving up samples of a variety of bodily fluids and marrow to a lab to test for the elusive cure when I was mortal. One of those samples was judged sufficient to complete an IVF procedure and in just under five months, I will hold a child in my arms. My child. Did I mention I've been a vampire for almost sixty years and that it's almost impossible for us to breed? And my wife gets more and more beautiful each day."

Beth rolled her eyes and he laughed. "It's true. She has this luminous skin, it makes her look like she's carrying light inside her. I told you she made the sun rise in my world. Her eyes are so honest and loving, even when she's been lying to me and crying about it and they're red and bloodshot. And her mouth," he stopped short with a growl before continuing, "I love her mouth. I don't think she knows how smart and funny she is? Pushy as hell, but I guess that's how she trapped me." He dodged a badly aimed kick and went on, "I haven't shown her enough how much I love her. I guess I should have explained to my wife that I intend to take some time off when our baby is born. I've been cramming cases in now and worrying her, which was wrong. It's made a little of that luminous fire go out and I would give anything to see my wife happy and carefree again."

It was sappy drivel and he meant every syllable of it.

"Mick," she said disarmingly, and then jabbed a finger into his thigh, "I have a name and if you refer to me in the third person again, I'll stake you myself."

He burst out laughing.

"It's Valentine's Day in exactly a month" she said smiling at him. Even lying down she barely made it past his chin. "Do you remember the last Valentine's Day?"

"Hmmm, yes." He concentrated, "That would be the day you roped me into some hare-brained scheme about creating life in a petri-dish from some lab sperm samples, which I had sincerely hoped were dead by then. As I remember, you were quite persuasive..."

Beth smiled as his eyes went soft and dark. Her heartbeat sped up as her body automatically reacted to the blatant lust in his eyes. "Mick, we can't."

"I know," he said, rolling onto his side and slipping a hand under her shirt. "But you know I want you, don't you?"

He kissed her almost chastely. Control was fragile with the strong smell of her blood, richer and more tantalising than before.

"Give me a month, maybe two. Just until the doctor gives me the all-clear" she said, looking up at him with the strain evident in her voice. "Then I'm going to make sure you can't walk for a week."

Mick chuckled richly, and glanced at the clock. "I'm going to hold you to that, beautiful, but you should sleep now. It's past eleven."

"I can't," Beth huffed, shifting around a little. "I've been in this bed all day. I'm bored."

"You need to rest, babe. Is there anything I can do to help?"

She loved that look he gave her with the single raised eyebrow. She'd first seen it helping him to track down a teenage vampire; Beth had been enlisted to pose as a missing escort and call several clients. Mick hadn't been able to take his eyes off her as she spun her stories. A very mischievous grin spread across Beth's face. "Yeah, tell me a story!"

Mick wasn't sure if she'd ceased to surprise him or whether he'd just come to accept surprises as part of their life together. "OK, buckle up. This is going to be a wild one."

She snuggled closer to him like a little bird. It was hard to believe they were going to be parents. Mother. Beth smiled. Well, at least Mick was getting some practice telling stories. Poor child, with a journalist and a private investigator as parents, he or she - they'd decided they didn't want to know – was going to have no hope of secrecy.

"Once upon a time there was a handsome prince..."

"Boo! Who wants to hear about a prince."

"Hey! Stop heckling. It was the first line."

"I tell stories for a living, Mr. St John. I'm a picky audience."

"Fine. Once upon a time there was a little girl. She didn't know how special she was but that was probably a good thing because if she had known, she'd have been terrified. She had long dark hair-"

"Nope, don't like that either. She has to have blonde hair."

"You want to tell this story?"

"Blonde hair. And that's my final heckle."

"Thank you. Long blonde hair, and her name was..."


End file.
